For Closure

Hey girl/old best friend/sister,

I just wanted to start by saying this is normal. Drifting away from the people that shaped you as a person throughout high school – the people you thought would be with you forever – is very, very normal. In fact, every high school graduate had told us this, so I don’t know why I was under any illusion that I would be any different. I guess I figured there were just some things you live through together that solidify a friendship. Some things that just irreparably tie people together. Maybe I thought above all else, there would be mutual appreciation for each other’s roles in becoming who we are. Either way, one of the only people I saw being a permanent citizen in my world is now amongst many migrating far, far away.

But it’s okay.

I will ALWAYS appreciate and cherish our memories together. You were so, so unbelievably significant to my time at high school and I will never regret our friendship, the fun we had, or being there for you through the hardest of times. Those five years will always have a place in my heart. I will always smile when I think of how inseparable we were and how many dreams we shared.

The sad part is that those days are over. I needed some form of closure, and this is it. I wish you the absolute best in your life and I know you’ll be remarkably successful in whatever you do. I’m sure I’ll see you at group events and parties over the next few years and I’ll be able to see you reach your goals and strive for the highest. But from a distance.

If I am being honest, I really needed a friend these past few months. It’s been really, really hard. And you haven’t been there. And as much as I recognise that this is a result of leaving school and being busy and overwhelmed by the excitement of new beginnings, it’s also just a part of prioritising. I hold no anger or resentment towards the way you’ve chosen to prioritise your life or the people you’ve chosen to keep and not keep in contact with. I can never truly understand your life or what has prompted you to make the decisions that you have. But I respect them and I hope that they sit well with you.

Now this is where it becomes a story of selfishness, but also of strength.

I have learnt that I CAN live without our friendship. Something I never thought I could do, or something that I never really even considered an option. I have learnt that there are people who are there for you and people who aren’t. Everyone has their own story, motives, places to be and people to avoid. Leaving school taught me who would stick around and who was just a temporary happiness. And trust me, the people who stuck around were not all people I expected to but I am so, so grateful for the opportunity to write them into my narrative. Your absence has taught me that the most powerful strength comes from within myself and that I can survive things on my own. The people that have decided to come into – or remain in – my life have taught me that even though I can survive these things on my own, I don’t have to. In the words of a very drunk and very beautiful human: “it’s okay to not be okay.” Recognising this as an absolute truth has been a saving grace. I am not okay, but I am trying so hard to be and I will grow through it whether you are there or not. It is selfish of me to think this way, but it is also my right.

Actions speak louder than words. And your actions have told me more than I think I could ever have drawn from a conversation. I don’t want the fake ‘I miss you’ messages, or the lie that it’s just being busy. Neither statements are true and that has become evident to me over the last few months.

This message is a goodbye. I was never gifted the chance to speak to you in person, a decision you made for us both. Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being an essential part of my development and growth as a person. I will forever be grateful for that and I cannot wait to see you become the brilliant woman I always knew you would be.

Much love, good luck and goodbye.

  • M

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